The Last Parsnip features some of England’s finest real ales. A selection of those offered throughout the year is shown below:
Theologian’s Miscalculation: A dark, mysterious stout made from unpolished cane sugar. Its creamy three-inch head and brooding body require the ministrations of an expert barman. The stout, when poured correctly, is pulled in nine separate layers, taking over forty minutes to settle completely. Tasting of ash, tar and gravel, its initial gregariousness is cut short by an unnecessarily confrontational mouthfeel.
Winter's Menacing Caress: Prominent tastes of clover, radish, egg and peach dominate distant overtones of methane in this complex, brooding ale. With an alcohol content of 27%, and an appearance not unlike molasses, this brew is strictly for the connoisseur.
Old Discharge : The Low Counties’ only wheat beer displays a distinctively murky hue, reminiscent of the stagnant tributary beside which the brewery is built. Judges awarded it Best Wheat Beer at this year’s Borfolk Ale Show for its "harmonic balance of blackberry, base metals and rubber.”
The Tarpit: A so-called “pudding-beer”, The Tarpit displays cloying flavors of camphor, wet dog and tallow. Relatively low in alcohol, it is best served tepid with bland cakes.
The Condemned’s Final Solicitation: Initially stoic, the taste develops with all the force of a sexually aroused badger. A strangely orange beer, it assaults the front of the pallet with a blend of hair, grass and lion. As the flavors fan out, a rainbow of secondary tastes (chalk, cat and lark spittle) bleat for attention while tertiary resonances are suggestive of mung beans and rope.
Papal Outrage: Purple in color and containing a mysterious sediment, Papal Outrage attained an honorable mention as the Low Counties’ only representative at the London Real Ale Festival. Smelling heavily of sandalwood and musk, the ale never manages to break free from its repressed ecclesiastical roots. Widely believed to be a favorite tipple of the notorious, and now incarcerated, Bishop Staines.
Harry’s Pisse: Dull amber in color and completely devoid of carbonation, this beer offers salty, highly ammoniac flavors and an acrid, lingering aftertaste. Chief brewer Harry Leggatt works entirely from home and produces a relatively small amount of the beer each week. While some are critical of the ale’s variable color, taste and consistency, others are delighted by its unpredictability.